On being uprooted

Two years ago, we sold our house in Wisconsin in a single day. We moved into our rental townome in Gurnee, not unpacking all the way, pretty confident that we'd be here only a short time. After all, with the kind of momentum that got us here, it was a sure bet that Gurnee would be our slingshot into the life we'd always dreamed of in the city.

Bill's job search dragged on for nearly a year and a half; a possible ministry position hovered like a hologram in the background for another lap or two on the calendar. I wrote two books in this disconnected (from a permanent address and church and community) yet connected (to God) waiting zone in which we've lived.

Meanwhile, our house search took a dozen wrong turns and dead ends. We watched high prices and rising interest rates erode our dream, redirecting us away from the city and toward the general area in which we once lived. Our kids watched us struggle, and struggled themselves, with the delay and our confusion. It's one thing to be 19 or 21 and trying to figure out who you want to be when you grow up. It's another thing to be 46 or 50 and trying (again) to answer some of the same questions.

I've coveted the lives I think other people are living - seemingly secure and teeming with friendships and purposeful ministry. I wish I had something "successful" to offer my kids instead of this season of uncertainty that seems to mirror their own growing pains.

Yet, I hope in God. I've wondered (with the hard rain of tears at times) if He likes other people better than He likes us since He isn't blessing us in ways that we can brag about. But here, today, I realize again that it isn't the product (the destination, the "success") that He's ever cared about in us. It is the process, shaping us to be like Him. We say and we sing and we pray that this is what we want, to be like Him. But when He answers that prayer like THIS, I find out how shallow I really am.

Yes, I'm uprooted. I need to be, so I can find my source and joy in Him. And be planted like that tree mentioned in Psalm 1, in Him. That's my prayer for me, for Bill, and even more, for my kids and grandson.