My sister Jodi returned here to south Florida on Saturday, September 22. She was going to stay with my mom, and I was planning to return home for a bit before coming back here to take another turn hanging out with my mom. Within a short time after Jodi came into the house, my mom lapsed into a final coma, and died at 2:10 p.m. (Here's the link to her obit.)
Those last hours were remarkable. After the reality of what was happening to my mom set in with my sister and I, I began reading Scripture aloud: Psalm 23, 27, 103, 139, John 3:1-18, Luke 15. I prayed for her, and sang to her. Jodi and I told my mom (again and again) we loved her, and we watched together as she took her last breath. The presence of God was very strong – I never would have imagined it could have been like this for my mom.
But it was. I believe this is because she experienced reconciliation with God in Christ. Though she was too gripped with pain to speak about it, it felt very clear to me that something radical had changed in her soul.
A month ago, when I got the initial phone call from my mom to tell me that “it might be cancer”, I never would have imagined it would have ended this way, this quickly. For most of my life, I never could have dreamed that my mom would find her peace in Jesus. But she did - I watched in awe as the Holy Spirit drew her through the patient, insistent witness of her hospice nurses and through some conversations and prayer times with me.
Throughout our lives, my sister and I experienced a kind of walled-off distance from our mom. We grew used to it. The last month really changed all of that for me. Participating in her death was actually a gift of healing in my life. And the thought that she is finally free and whole and enjoying the kind of life forever NOW that I can scarcely comprehend has taken the sting out of her intense, difficult death.
Thank you for your prayers...
Monday, September 24, 2007
Friday, September 14, 2007
Phone call from death, line 1
I’ve had a front-row seat over the last three and a half weeks as I’ve watched my mom decline toward her death. Though she was very intentional about not seeking treatment for her cancer, now that she’s facing death, she dances toward the grave and then, in a panic, tries to pull back from its gravity. Between some God-appointed, Spirit-anointed hospice nurses and myself, I am more confident now than I was 3-1/2 weeks ago that my mom is hearing the essence of the gospel, and that God is working in her even as she spends almost all of her time non-communicative, eyes closed and hunched over. Every labored breath is a gift from God to her, giving her time to reconcile with Him before she meets Him face-to-face. I am not interested in falsely prolonging her life – only making sure she is comfortable as she goes through the end of it.
Which is what makes yesterday’s dark lunchtime phone call from one of her neighbors all the more outrageous. The last time I met this woman in person was 10 years ago, at my dad’s funeral, and that I have only spoken to her a couple of times on the phone in the last 3 weeks. When this woman called yesterday to find out how my mom was doing and I gave her a general report of my mom’s physical decline, she proceeded to tell me that when her physician husband was dying of cancer and it was getting near the end, she took the advice of another physician friend who told her to (a) turn off her husband’s oxygen and (b) give him super-size doses of morphine She encouraged my sister and I to do the same for my mom. That an almost-near stranger would feel the liberty to suggest this to me has to be a whole new category of chutzpah. Or worse.
Jesus’ resurrection has shattered curse of death, decay and evil.
“Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"
"Yes, Lord," she told him, "I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world." - John 11:25-27
Which is what makes yesterday’s dark lunchtime phone call from one of her neighbors all the more outrageous. The last time I met this woman in person was 10 years ago, at my dad’s funeral, and that I have only spoken to her a couple of times on the phone in the last 3 weeks. When this woman called yesterday to find out how my mom was doing and I gave her a general report of my mom’s physical decline, she proceeded to tell me that when her physician husband was dying of cancer and it was getting near the end, she took the advice of another physician friend who told her to (a) turn off her husband’s oxygen and (b) give him super-size doses of morphine She encouraged my sister and I to do the same for my mom. That an almost-near stranger would feel the liberty to suggest this to me has to be a whole new category of chutzpah. Or worse.
Jesus’ resurrection has shattered curse of death, decay and evil.
“Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"
"Yes, Lord," she told him, "I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world." - John 11:25-27
He is the only hope in death.
And in this life.
Friday, September 07, 2007
The view from So FL
First, the update: My mom continues to fade – she’s now asking for pain and anxiety meds round the clock – a big change from a week ago. She has only short periods of relative alertness, and her waking/sleeping are nearly indistinguishable to the naked eye. She’s eaten or drunk very little the last few days, and her breathing is painful to hear and watch. She sleeps in fits and starts, mostly in an upright position, and needs someone with her round-the-clock. Hospice has pulled their continuous care, and we’ve hired a live-in-health aide named Judie to help. My sister heads back to Washington, DC tomorrow. It’ll be me and Judie, the aide, to care for my mom over the next leg of her journey.
Like others who are caring for a dying person, I have been amazed at the people I’ve met along the way: hospice nurses and social workers, Starbucks employees, strangers and most especially, my mom’s case manager, a Christian who has shared the essence of the gospel with my mom in a way that I could not, opening the way for…?
The familiar words of Psalm 23 are 3-D for me in these days, not only because of what it is to be intimately involved with walking a parent through the end of her life, but because of the turmoil in my daughter, son-in-law and grandson’s lives. It is a story for another time, but suffice it to say that what has occurred with them this week is another potential loss in the life of my family that perhaps is even more devastating.
Please pray, as the Lord leads you.
And a few random observations:
- I have never eaten so much deli in my life – ever. Corned beef, stuffed cabbage, matzo ball soup, rugelach, and more corned beef.
- Elderly New Yorkers living here in South Florida have a fashion sense like no other. I have seen some of the scariest outfits this side of Halloween whenever I’ve ventured out.
- The weathermen/women never, ever report the humidity numbers here like they do in Chicago. That’s because this state is a swamp, and the humidity number, as measured by my hair, has got to be at least 95% every day. Ugh.
Like others who are caring for a dying person, I have been amazed at the people I’ve met along the way: hospice nurses and social workers, Starbucks employees, strangers and most especially, my mom’s case manager, a Christian who has shared the essence of the gospel with my mom in a way that I could not, opening the way for…?
The familiar words of Psalm 23 are 3-D for me in these days, not only because of what it is to be intimately involved with walking a parent through the end of her life, but because of the turmoil in my daughter, son-in-law and grandson’s lives. It is a story for another time, but suffice it to say that what has occurred with them this week is another potential loss in the life of my family that perhaps is even more devastating.
Please pray, as the Lord leads you.
* * * * * * *
And a few random observations:
- I have never eaten so much deli in my life – ever. Corned beef, stuffed cabbage, matzo ball soup, rugelach, and more corned beef.
- Elderly New Yorkers living here in South Florida have a fashion sense like no other. I have seen some of the scariest outfits this side of Halloween whenever I’ve ventured out.
- The weathermen/women never, ever report the humidity numbers here like they do in Chicago. That’s because this state is a swamp, and the humidity number, as measured by my hair, has got to be at least 95% every day. Ugh.
- I've been watching Wheel of Fortune and Jeapordy, and am doing crossword puzzles. I do not like this. Not one bit.
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